


Why Men Suck

by sierraraeck



Series: Aundreya Chambers [11]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner - Freeform, Angst, Aundreya Chambers, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Criminal Minds Family, David Rossi - Freeform, Derek Morgan - Freeform, Emily Prentiss - Freeform, F/M, FBI, Gen, Heavy Angst, Original Female Character - Freeform, POV Original Female Character, Penelope Garcia - Freeform, Slow Burn, Spencer Reid - Freeform, Spencer Reid Angst, The BAU Team as Family (Criminal Minds), bau, jennifer jareau - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sierraraeck/pseuds/sierraraeck
Summary: Series Summary: This is a series following Aundreya Chambers and her experience with the BAU, Spencer, and trying to navigate the FBI as a high-profile criminal. And things get very messy.Chapter Summary: Reid has to talk to Aundreya about what’s happened and try to explain himself. Aundreya has an unexpected visitor in a high stress situation. Story eleven.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s), The BAU Team/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Aundreya Chambers [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130924
Kudos: 1





	Why Men Suck

I walked into the office with a whole new demeanor. A whole new attitude. A whole new level of confidence. 

I was a whole new person.

I wasn’t exactly the old street and prison me, but that was a lot closer than the pathetic, emotional version who’d possessed my body for the last year and a half. 

I walked in with a new fire in my eyes, a new growl in my voice, a new ice block in my chest. I walked in like I owned the place. And everyone could feel it. 

“Hey, Aundreya,” Prentiss said, a little hesitation coating her voice.

“Hey,” I said, “Do we have a case?”

“I believe so. Hotch said he wants us in the briefing room in five,” she replied.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” I was in the hallway approaching a small table with snacks on it when he caught my attention. I was wondering when this would happen.

“Aundreya, wait,” Reid called after me. 

I turned on him. “Why? What could you possibly say to me right now?”

He let out a huge breath. “Is this about what Morgan and I talked about on the jet?”

I put my hands out and cocked my head to the side, letting him know that was exactly what this was about. 

“She’s just someone that I’m talking to for my headaches, and I knew she could help with the case.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

“We both know you are. Why would you need to call her on a payphone, then? Why would you need Tara to drive you there instead of me or Derek? Why have you been so secretive about who she is?”

“It’s because I just wanted to keep one thing-”

“Personal?” I finished, raising my eyebrows. 

“That’s not what I mean,” he huffed.

“I think that’s exactly what you mean. And she must be pretty special if even the possibility of her getting hurt is worth risking _both_ of our lives.” I started to turn away, heading back down the hallway.

“I didn’t-”

“Yes. You did. Last time I checked, you didn’t know for sure if that was even where she lived, yet you were willing to get shot and put me in the line of fire for her.”

“Aundreya, please,” he pleaded for me to let him explain, but there was nothing _to_ explain.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. You’ve made what you want pretty clear,” I stood there staring into his sad eyes. I wanted to walk away so badly, but I just had to ask, “I just have one question for you. Did you call her that night?”

“What?” 

I already knew he called her throughout those two weeks, and I realized that he even called her the night before we returned to work when I was freaking out about where he was. But I wanted to know if he called her right after we… 

I swallowed. “ _That night._ Did. You. Call her?”

He looked me dead in the eyes and responded, “No.”

It didn’t make it hurt any less, but at least he didn’t add insult to injury. I’d gotten my answer, so I pushed by him, heading back to the round table room, suddenly having lost my appetite. I didn’t even reach the steps before a loud bang echoed off the ceiling.

I whipped my head around and saw Reid in a choke hold, a man holding a gun to his head. But that wasn’t just any man.

That was my father.

* * *

All of the desk workers who weren’t armed were clumped together near the coffee maker or were ducking under their desks. Anyone who was armed had their weapon drawn and aimed at my father. Our team members were all standing behind the railing to my right in a line, each one panicked and furious, guns trained on the man who held Reid.

He scanned the room until his eyes landed on me. A smile spread across his face and he said, “Hello, _Aundreya_ ,” he sneered, letting me know he knew about my name change.

“Hello, Joe,” I returned. 

“What? Come on, no ‘hi dad?’” he fake-whimpered.

I scoffed. “We may be biologically related, but you are not my dad.”

“Ouch,” he smiled.

“Yeah, well the truth hurts,” I said, raising my eyebrows. That was what he always loved to tell my sister and I whenever he was trying to manipulate us into believing his lies.

He laughed. “Well it looks like I did teach you something after all.”

My emotions were on a whole new high. Everything seemed to be crashing around me, and one of the only honest connections I thought I’d made had just shattered. I was sick and tired of letting other people affect my emotions and the constant lies that people told and truths they deliberately withheld. “Yeah, you taught me that loving someone meant manipulating them and lying to them and degrading them and the ones they love. You taught me how to mimic those behaviors for my own personal gain. And you did a great job teaching me that I can’t trust men and that they can’t treat me right, especially in relationships,” I offered, my voice strong. 

“Honey, that is not at all what I taught you.”

I wanted to vomit at his term of endearment. “Great, then I guess it’s your borderline personality and narcissistic genes that got passed down that made me this way. My bad.”

He shook his head in disbelief, that same smug look absorbing his features, but changed the subject. “So you’re in the FBI now, huh?”

“Sure am. I enjoy putting evil men away, envisioning that they’re you I finally get to put handcuffs on. Who knows? Maybe you coming here will finally satisfy that desire,” I said with a smirk, holding my gun up a little higher.

“Oh really? How are you going to do that? I mean, I guess you _could,_ depending on how much you care about him,” he said, gesturing toward Reid with the gun still trained at his temple. 

“Oh, him? Yeah, I don’t really know him,” I said. At the moment, that statement felt true.

“Are you sure? I thought I saw you two spending quite a lot of time together recently,” he said.

My eyes got wide. “You’ve been stalking me?”

“I have to say, you are quite a hard person to track down these days. I just wanted to make sure it was actually you. I’ve wanted to see you, talk to you, but I knew you’d never respond to me directly.”

“I can’t imagine why that would be,” I snapped.

“I just want to know that you’re doing well.”

“How considerate. Well I’m great, so you can leave now.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you all are just going to let me walk out of here,” he said. He turned his attention to the rest of the team. “So this must be the BAU?”

“Yep,” I said, popping the ‘p’, “Your point?”

“Are they really as great as I’ve heard?”

“We do close a lot of cases.”

“But are they good people?”

“Yes, they’re in the FBI. What are you getting at?” I’d had nearly every possible argument with this man, so I always had a good idea where things were going. But this? This confused me.

“Do you all really consider each other family?”

Then I got it. If he was trying to inflict the maximum amount of pain on me, he would want to know who I cared most about so he could hurt them.

“Not really. We just work together,” I stated. I didn’t want to add any more than I had too, especially if I was reading the situation wrong and he wanted to hurt people he thought were hurting me. By taking Reid as his hostage, I couldn’t tell which one was true. 

“But what about this one?” he said, peering down at Reid.

“What about him?”

“You don’t consider this one family?”

“I just told you, even if I’ve been talking to him more recently, I still barely know him.”

“Uh-huh. So you wouldn’t mind if I just killed him, then?” he asked. 

My heart was pounding. I knew that he was most likely trying to inflict maximum pain on me, so showing that I _did_ care about him could be lethal, but I didn’t want to say yes and have him obey my wishes. The one time he would.

I took a deep breath, knowing if I hesitated any longer, he’d know my answer. “No. Not really. I mean, I don’t think you should kill anyone, newsflash it’s my job to make sure people stay alive, but if your question is if I have a personal sway one way or the other, the answer is no. He’s not as important to me as some of the others.”

Reid made eye contact with me, and the look of hurt in his eyes was devastating. He actually believed me. He genuinely thought that because I was mad, I would just flip that criminal switch and want him dead. I didn’t really know how to take that and I couldn’t think about it now. I had to stay focused. At least I had confirmation I was doing a good job being convincing. 

But of all the things I thought I knew about shooters, about hostage situations, about my father, I did not anticipate his next move. 

Joe approached me, shifting his aim from Reid, who was still in a chokehold, onto me. I stood my ground, refusing to cower under his advance. He tossed Reid like a rag doll in front of me, and without blinking, stepped around behind me. I felt the barrel of the gun swipe some hair out of the way, then come to rest on the back of my head as he commanded Reid to his knees. 

This was going to be an execution.

“So you don’t think I, or anyone else, should be killing people? But what about you, daughter?”

I swallowed, vaguely aware of how he was using me as a human shield, not a single person behind him who could get a shot off. This one was on me. 

“Those days are over,” I casually noted.

“Which days are you referring to? The killing days or the more recent scheming days?” he asked.

_How much does he know? He couldn’t know about … That’s impossible. No one knows about that._

“Both.”

He laughed. “I guess we’ll see about that, ‘cause I don’t think you are getting out of this without having to tap back into those skills.”

“What do you want?” I asked, enunciating each word carefully.

“I want _you_ to kill _him_.”

I refused to look down at Reid up until that point, but after that, I had to. I looked down at him looking up at me, his expression clearly wondering what I was going to do. 

_I may be angry and upset, but I would_ _**never** do something like this to you, Reid. _ I willed him to read my mind.

“ _What_?” I was still processing his request.

“You heard me. You kill him, and the rest of us walk out of here.”

I shook my head and right as I did, he pushed the barrel farther into my skull.

I knew I couldn’t turn around and shoot Joe: he would be able to shoot me much faster and would probably shoot Reid as well before the team could kill him. I knew I couldn’t kill Reid. That was just a given. 

But there were three people in this equation, leaving me with one last variable to manipulate. 

I turned the gun on myself.

I contemplated just dropping it all together, but I figured that would result in the first outcome I’d envisioned. But threatening to take away the person he wanted to hurt and force back into old habits, taking the common denominator away, I knew that would foil all of his plans. And I’m known for self preservation not being suicidal, so it would be a scenario he would have never considered. 

“No.”

“What are you doing?” I could hear the slight panic in Joe’s voice, the same feeling reflected in Reid’s eyes. 

“I said no. I told you, those days are over for me. If you want to hurt me, then you should know that the person I care the most about, above all else, is myself. What would you do if I decided to ultimately protect myself from you once and for all?” I asked. When I got no response, I concluded with, “So take me. I’m who you’re here for, right? So just take what you came for.”

“You seriously mean that?” he asked with a glimmer of hope.

“I’m not one to play games.”

He grabbed me by the arm and demanded I drop my gun, pressing his own to my temple. I did as he said, all but placing the gun in Reid’s hands, giving him one last look that tried to convey as much hope as I could without just winking at him. 

I continued to walk slowly, Joe still using me as a human shield, on our path to the exit. He reached the glass doors and turned around, about to push through with his back. But I knew something he didn’t. Those doors were deceivingly heavy. 

I used the back of my head to jam his nose into his skull, simultaneously ramming his head into the glass doors. They budged, but not enough to knock us both completely off balance. I cranked my body out of his grap, and turned around to face him, hitting him hard enough to disarm him. The shock of my blows gave me the upper hand as I reached for his weapon, claiming it as my own. I now stood in front of him, the tables having drastically turned.

“FBI. Put your hands up,” I said smugly. He wore an expression of pure rage which only increased the pleasure I got from this moment. “Joe Spade, you are under arrest for the attempted murder of multiple FBI agents.”

He put his hands up and I tossed his gun aside, quick to replace it with handcuffs. “It looks like I was able to not only get out of this situation without having to kill anybody, but also fulfill my fantasies of handcuffing you after all.”

I brought his hands down behind his back and tightened the cuffs as much as possible. I walked him forward a few paces so he could really get a good look at my team members. 

“You see those people up there behind that railing? Those people _are_ my family. They actually look out for me, and I will always look out for them. Those ladies over there? They are like my sisters, compassionate people I aspire to be like. And those men? They’ve taught me that good men and healthy relationships _do_ exist. All of them have helped me overcome my trust issues and anxiety when it comes to opening up and letting people in. They’ve shown me what love truly looks and sounds like, and I’ve started to learn how to reciprocate. And you know what? They are the reason that I didn’t kill you,” I snarled, letting him, and the rest of the team, digest that. “Take a good, _long_ , look. Because they are the _only_ reason you are alive right now.”

I made him stand there for a few seconds, marinating in that information, before yanking him towards the door, handing him off to the officers that were to escort him down to a squad car. 

* * *

“Ohmygod! Are you okay?” Penelope squawked as she rushed toward me.

I couldn’t even get a response out before her lung-squishing hug surrounded me. I hugged her back but quickly answered, “Yes. I’m all good.”

“Are you sure? That was … I mean that was-”

“I know. And I’m okay,” I said with a reassuring smile. 

“Did you mean all of that?” she asked me with hopeful, gleaming eyes.

“Yeah,” I replied, but I could tell that Rossi heard my uncertain undertone. _For the most part._

“What was that?” Rossi interjected, stern but concerned. “You put yourself in harm's way and made a reckless, _stupid,_ decision.”

 _Yeah because focusing on myself up to this point has worked out_ **_so_ ** _well for me. I decided I’d try something new, and look at that, not giving a damn about my safety worked out for all of us._

I kept those thoughts to myself and opted for, “It worked out. I’m fine.”

“What's happened to you? You went from yelling at a guy who reminded you of your father to not even being phased by your own. Not to mention he was holding a gun on you,” Morgan acknowledged. I knew what he was getting at, all of them noticing my change in attitude this morning before all of the madness that followed. 

“Well, shit happens. Things change,” I stated coldly. I saw Reid cringe from behind the rest of the group. 

“And I guess so do people,” Rossi said pointedly.

“Yeah,” I finally looked at Reid, skimming my eyes up and down him, “They do.”

A moment of awkward silence passed over the group before Hotch said, “Let’s all take the rest of the day off. We’ll start on our new case tomorrow.”

The group agreed and each gave me their varied versions of condolences and then turned to check on Reid. Most of the rest of the bullpen had already left, receiving the same deal Aaron gave us, and our team started slowly breaking apart so they could grab their stuff. Soon, that just left Reid and I standing there. I went to walk by him on my way to get my stuff when he stopped me.

“Aundreya, wait,” he squeaked.

I turned to face him, waiting to see what followed.

“I know it doesn’t make this any better but I _am_ sorry. I never intended for this to happen.”

“I believe you, but the damage has been done.”

“I know. I just … I don’t know-”

“Look Reid. Everything I said was true. I let my guard down, I let you in. I trusted you, which went against every instinct in my body telling me to run. For the first time in my entire life, I felt like I could breathe. Like I could _actually breathe_ . Do you know what that feels like? For my whole life, I have been suffocating under the weight of my father, the Slaughterer, the streets, just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I never knew what it felt like to just be _okay_ and to feel safe. Until I met you. I had just started to break down my barriers, my entire belief system, because I started to understand that I was wrong, that not everyone is out for themselves, just manipulating me for their own personal gain then tossing me aside like garbage. I mean, you just met the one and only male role model in my life! _That’s_ what I thought everyone, specifically men, were like! And just when you started to prove me wrong … I’ve tumbled all the way back down to square one. So was what you did world-ending? No. Is that the worst thing that could have happened, that you could have done? Definitely not. Our job proves that every day. But it felt pretty massive to me,” I ranted.

I didn’t mean to raise my voice or draw attention to the situation, but those thoughts had been playing an intense game of Pong inside my head for a while, and I just had to get them off my chest. It was Hotch and Prentiss that were straggling, and while they were out of earshot, they weren’t blind. 

I let out a nervous laugh, absorbing the irony of the whole thing. “And you told me you would _never_ hurt me,” I shook my head in disbelief, “Look at us now.”

I reached around him to grab my stuff and barreled toward the door without another breath. 

It wasn’t fair of me and I knew that. We fucked and maybe that was it. It’s not like we were together and he was cheating on me or something. We actually had never even talked about what we were, and now, maybe we never would. I guess I would just have to accept that the whole thing, all the lead up and shit, was just a fling. A harmless, nothing-to-get-your-panties-in-a-wad-over, fling. So maybe I did dish out too much, and he didn’t really deserve all that, but I couldn’t worry about it now. I’d said it, and it made me feel better to say it, and I wanted him to know how much it _hurt_ . Sure, he’d just had a gun to his head thanks to _my_ father but so had I, and there really is no better time to get emotional than after a shared trauma. 

I got home and laid on my couch, recounting the events of the day.

_He mentioned my scheming. He couldn’t know, could he? But he seemed like he might’ve…_

That would be yet another fun excuse to recount to the team, if they even remembered or felt courageous enough to ask. 

But for the time being, I curled up on my couch, queueing up the series finale of ‘Sherlock.’


End file.
